时间中游动

短信才发出去就看到你上线了
心里真高兴
想着你快来了，就觉得心里莫名的激动
等你，等你，等你，怎么还不来，我变得焦躁不安，实在等不及了，就给你一个短信
输入的时候听到有上线的声音，根本没有想到是你，只是觉得，给你说我有视频，你怎么都不积极，是不是不想我了，平时都是说着玩儿的，什么想我啊，其实都是假的。
突然看到你来了，我刚才的气还在，莫名其妙就生气了，就因为你来晚了点，实在搞不懂为什么这几天是成几何级数增长的想你，想着还有这么多天，每天没有什么事情做，看书看不进去，只能上网，一上网就想你，想找你聊天，想看看你。没事做的时候就听歌，听歌的时候也想你，坐着的时候也想你，都不知道该怎么办了。心里憋得很难受。上网看别人写的连载，越看越想你，就想着你在我身边的感觉，想着你的头发在我旁边触手可及的地方，能够摸摸你的头，闻闻你的味道，然后就想抱你，想着平时抱你的感觉，搂你的感觉，越想这些就越想马上见到你，最后发现不能，心里就很失落。

—对新婚夫妇在公共汽车上被挤散了。不知过了多久，人缝里慢慢地伸来一只细长、柔软的小手，似是经意又似不经意地拉着丈夫的手。眩晕的丈夫无法形容那只手的美妙，也慢慢地舒展开了手掌，全心全意地接受了那只小手。车到站了，丈夫实在无法说服自己放开那只小手，便掏出名片毫不犹豫地塞给了那只小手。
        下车时，突然有一辆卡车发疯般地向丈夫冲来身后的妻子毫不犹豫地推开了丈夫，自己却倒在了血泊当中。当丈夫抱起气息全无的妻子时，发现妻子手里紧攥的竟是自己下车时留给那只可爱小手的名片。

        因为寂寞，我们的爱情有时会游离原本温馨的港湾。因为好奇，我们的行程会在某个十字路口不经意的转弯。然而，就在你亦欲转身的刹那，你也会听到身后有爱情在低沉地哭泣。

两个人的相处哲学，不能随性而为，就像处事一样，只要和人打交道的事情，都离不开处事，不管那个人是你的亲人还是爱人还是同事，只要是人，他就有本能的缺点与不能接受的事情，所以不要以为那是你的亲人或是爱人就可以随意，就可以随便发脾气随便任性，别人也是人，结了婚成了一家人还有离婚的时候，家庭关系还有破裂的时候，所以唯一可以说永恒的东西就是自己，我这里所说的是指自己的精神世界和自己的肉体是永远在一起的。所以当你和你喜欢的人通过百般努力真正走到一起的时候，也请不要忘记“相敬如宾”这四个字，不要乱发脾气，不要乱说话。我这里说的不是指要“客套”，而是指对人最基本的尊重，只有这样才能让人和人的感情真诚而且长久，没是表面和谐的虚伪客套，也不是表面亲近的肆意妄为。

《世界上最远的距离》

泰戈尔

　　

世界上最远的距离，不是生与死的距离，而是我站在你面前，你不知道我爱你；

世界上最远的距离，不是我站在你面前，你不知道我爱你，而是爱到痴迷却不能说我爱你；

世界上最远的距离，不是我不能说我爱你，而是想你痛彻心脾，却只能深埋心底；

世界上最远的距离，不是我不能说我想你，而是彼此相爱，却不能够在一起；

世界上最远的距离，不是彼此相爱却不能够在一起，而是明知道真爱无敌却装作毫不在意；

世界上最远的距离，不是树与树的距离，而是同根生长的树枝，却无法在风中相依；

世界上最远的距离，不是树枝无法相依，而是相互了望的星星，却没有交汇的轨迹；

世界上最远的距离，不是星星之间的轨迹，而是纵然轨迹交汇，却在转瞬间无处寻觅；

世界上最远的距离，不是瞬间便无处寻觅，而是尚未相遇，便注定无法相聚；

世界上最远的距离，是鱼与飞鸟的距离，一个在天，一个却深潜海底；

亲爱的，如今，你就在我身边，我们却不能在阳光下相爱。

 

很喜欢泰戈尔的诗，大概最先接触到的就是这首，亲爱的，我想与你分享思想之光。

晚上，宝贝枕着我的手臂，像一只温顺的小猫一样蜷缩在我的怀里熟睡，长而上翘的睫毛齐刷刷的耷在眼睛上，我感觉到一股暖流，从心底流出。

有一种渴望叫爱，有一种温暖叫情；
有一种美丽叫平和，有一种温柔叫自然流露。
喜欢静静的看着她，脸庞上的每一处细微，美丽得牵动着我每一根神经。那些美丽又幸福的瞬间都涌上心头，让我在梦里都离不开她，在梦里都会微笑。这就是爱情吧，已经无关所有自私利己，只希望她幸福，只希望看到她没有烦恼的幸福生活。原来这个世界上真的对每一个人都存在一种改变，当深爱的人出现时对自己的改变，不论是细枝末节的生活习惯，还是彻头彻尾的大彻大悟，都是她/他给你生活带来的冲击。我只是想在你生活的轨迹中留下点什么，在你的习惯中留下点我的痕迹。不论以后怎么样，只要你偶尔会想起我，就足够了。所以复杂的事就让它们统统变简单吧，我的每个早晨只要有你在身边，即便是手臂吃了你给的“幸福牌花椒”，都是我的幸福！

      宝贝陪我买PSP的时候把手机给掉了，真是一件令人沮丧的事！不过这都是一周以前的事情了，今天下午，我陪宝贝去买了一个新手机，NOKIA 5310.可把宝贝高兴坏了，呵呵~看着这小家伙高兴的样子，我心里也乐滋滋的！有趣的是还遇到一个暂且称之为“莫名其妙男”的人，在我们买手机的后半段突然出现，坐坐不做事，最后要了宝贝的新手机号就走人鸟~？？这是何等的意图明显以及蓄谋搭讪啊~！！哼~我还坐那旁边呐，趁我给移动服务台打电话的空挡就干了这种“突破性”进展的事情，这让我怎么放心呐？！哼~~~宝贝还说我吃飞醋，我就吃，咋滴！那要我追着美女流口水，看你吃不吃飞醋！那个“莫名其妙男”后来还说要送我们回去？请我们吃饭？这等大举动就在一分钟之内全部告白完成，你说你这不是明显猴儿急嘛~这点小把戏，我是看在眼里，明白在心里。还好宝贝没有一副没见过“帅哥”的样子，要不然今天晚上就有得理论了。这会儿趁这个小东西在客厅看电视的时候偷偷写这些“抱怨”的文字，可不能被她发现了~这个坏东西，让她去洗澡睡觉了还不听话，一会儿得打屁屁才行！哦，忘了说，今天我可是当了一整天的家庭妇T，不过主打菜色太单调——整一天都有大青椒，在这里道歉了，因为明天宝贝还得吃今天的菜做成的便当，真是苦了她了·^·不过还是要怪我，中午和晚上的“鸡”部分，都弄得不好吃，没有去掉腥味儿，结果浪费了粮食……严重检讨，下次一定要研究好菜谱再做菜，不能自以为是大厨的样子了~= =

一步抢先，步步抢先。在很大程度上是有道理的，但是不是所有都适用。在人生这个过程中，就像是一场赛跑，但却是一场规则复杂，地形多变，评价坐标多重的赛跑。每个人起点不同，终点也不同，但是相对有一个坐标是一样的，就是社会评价中的成功与不成功。到达这跟线后，就是成功。

By Loraine Barr

Sept. 3, 2007 issue - I was born at a time when to have romantic feelings for another woman was known as “the love that dare not speak its name.” I first read Radclyffe Hall’s “The Well of Loneliness” around 1938, in my impressionable teens. The book was a heartfelt cry for understanding and acceptance of the “invert.” Now we say “gay” and “lesbian,” and nobody faints, although we still lack the same rights as other citizens. In how many ways have attitudes changed? And how have they not?

When I went to college in the 1940s, the sex books were kept under lock and key in the UCLA library. I was too embarrassed to ask for permission to borrow those books.

Seeking enlightenment, I looked at young women walking around the campus engrossed in one another, and I thought, “Well, at least they have each other.”

I did not realize that even I was judging them, while perhaps envying them. I was dating men regularly and enjoyed being thought popular. Nevertheless, when I came home after each date, said “Goodnight” and closed the door, I usually breathed a sigh of relief.

One eligible young man said, on leaving, “We’ll get together soon.” I said, “All right, but be sure to warn me.”

“Warn you!” he exploded, slamming the door as he left.

And then I met a woman: a teacher on campus, who helped me see beauty in the whole world. At 28, for the first time, I was loved and knew love, for myself, for the person I really was.

But while glorying in my never-before-experienced happiness, I knew it had to be hidden. She was married. Often, the only way to see her was with her husband. I was also dating her brother, and we all would sometimes go dancing.

That relationship ended after a few years, when my loved one’s husband intervened. I didn’t see her until years later, when I stood in line at her book signing at USC. She was alone, cordial; she asked about my mother. But no, she couldn’t join me for coffee afterward.

Now I write this after living for 44 years with the most loved and loving, giving, understanding and delightful partner imaginable. For all our time together, we were “in the closet.”

For so long, if you were a known homosexual you could lose your job. We kept our relationship from our families—or at least we thought we did. After my partner died, her son told me that her family knew about us, but kept our secret because they believed our relationship was our own business.

But our silence for all those years was also partially a self-induced caution. Looking back, I think it’s possible that as the world changed, we didn’t change fast enough.

We knew a few other lesbian couples, and we were comfortable around them. But most of our friends were straight, so we had separate bedrooms to make it seem as though we were just roommates. On one occasion, when my partner and I were with cherished, straight friends, just the four of us after a satisfying dinner, sitting quietly in our living room, I thought how liberating it would be for us to tell our friends of our relationship. They must have seen it coming, for they quickly changed the subject. We four remained warmhearted friends, but we two never again tried to enlighten them or any others.

I never spoke about my sexual orientation with my mother, but she also must have known. When she died, the last thing she said to me was, “I never understood your way of life, but I do now.” I didn’t reply.

Finally, after almost nine years since my beloved partner’s death, I am able to do what I could never have braved in earlier years: pre-sent myself herewith to the world as a lesbian, along with all the women who ask to be judged by the full facet of our characters.

Why am I now able to speak the unspoken? A friend at the retirement community where I live recently came out in the local and national newspapers. When I saw her do that, I thought, for heaven’s sake, nobody can fire me, I’m 88 years old, my parents are gone.

Still, I was frightened. It took me several days to put this essay in the mailbox. I owe a lot of credit to people who are comfortable enough in their own skins to say, “This is who I am.”

Shall I be haunted for trying to tell my story now, when many might still not wish to address it, or shall I, perhaps, be congratulated?

两个人的相处哲学，不能随性而为，就像处事一样，只要和人打交道的事情，都离不开处事，不管那个人是你的亲人还是爱人还是同事，只要是人，他就有本能的缺点与不能接受的事情，所以不要以为那是你的亲人或是爱人就可以随意，就可以随便发脾气随便任性，别人也是人，结了婚成了一家人还有离婚的时候，家庭关系还有破裂的时候，所以唯一可以说永恒的东西就是自己，我这里所说的是指自己的精神世界和自己的肉体是永远在一起的。所以当你和你喜欢的人通过百般努力真正走到一起的时候，也请不要忘记“相敬如宾”这四个字，不要乱发脾气，不要乱说话。我这里说的不是指要“客套”，而是指对人最基本的尊重，只有这样才能让人和人的感情真诚而且长久，没是表面和谐的虚伪客套，也不是表面亲近的肆意妄为。